i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
