You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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