You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
