Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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