I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
