I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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