Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
