put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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