yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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