Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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