Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
someone owes me an orgasm
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
