Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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