Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
