how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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