She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
