Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
