If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize