do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
everyone is single if you try hard enough
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
