I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Enjoy the penises
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