What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize