We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
