you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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