she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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