if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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