You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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