last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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