I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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