guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
