if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
