So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
