Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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