I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
