This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
