shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize