hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize