Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
