I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
