u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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