Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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