I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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