college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
