fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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