Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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