i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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