That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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