I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
