i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize