I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
