Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
