put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ladies don't puke and tell
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
