i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
