god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
