when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
