We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
