She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
