great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she peed on how many people?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
