I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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