i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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