oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
