You work out of a Hotel?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
