Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
