I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
