This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
