Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
