Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
