pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
