Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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