I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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